too hard

Well in a nutshell, after much tooing and frowing of emails and high emotions, we are not going ahead with the surrogacy - too many issues and emotions involved - a step too far I think.

Adoption seems to be the only option left now unless there's some miracle waiting around the corner.....

Yippeee

I've finally married to the most perfect man for me in the world - I'm so happy, a family now would make my (and our) life perfect!

initial consultation

My sister had her first consultation to discuss the treatment going forward yesterday.  She now has an idea of what's going to happen and what her next steps are when the time comes round.  1st cycle likely to be December this year.  More forms for us all to fill in, and both my sister and Peter need more blood tests to be completed before we start our first cycle.

Done

Peter 'deposited' his sperm sample into the sperm bank for 6 month freezing, the count down has now begun - we can start at the end of the 6 month period - so looking at starting at the end of this year (2012).

Counselling

Had counselling session at LWC yesterday.  We all had to attend, she was very good - hit the nail right on the head with the feelings I've been having about the whole infertility journey and how I'm now feeling about what we're about to embark on.

Made me feel a bit more normal, but didn't take away my fears - don't think anything will, only going through it will determine whether my fears were unfounded or not.

Sister had bloods done as well and set a date for her initial consultation session.

1st appointment

the 4 of us off to see the consultant at LWC to click start the surrogacy process off - kept assuming we were going for IVF as it's more money for them, so had to keep reminding Dr Nair that it was IUI we were going for.

Peter spoke to sperm donor people and found out what tests he needs as he is going to have to go on the sperm donor register as he will be donating to my sister and she will have to register as a client to receive Donor IUI treatment.

Sister has list of bloods that need to be done and Peter has given his first sample for testing.

Solicitors

Peter and I went to see a solicitor today about surrogacy and the legalities involved, very positive and (should be) straight forward.

Sister and her hubby have to register the birth in their names and Peter and I have to apply to the courts for a parental order to assume legal parental responsibility for the child, this can't be done until the child is 6 weeks old, but has to be done before the child is 6 months old.  Then it's up to the courts to confirm that the birth parents (my sister and hobby) do not want to stay as legal parents and are happy to sign away their rights to the child.

Seems easy enough!

Moving forward

After much discussion and consideration I have decided that it would be cruel to deny Peter the opportunity to have a child of his own just because I can't carry, so we're going to move forward with my sister and him having children together.

Still not 100% comfortable with it, but I'm sure I'll get my head around it before baby arrives.

Just got to put wheels in motion now. I tried a clinic closer to my sister for her convenience and they said yes but would have to include a 3rd person to donate the eggs as my sister could;t use her own eggs and the waiting list for donor eggs is approximately 2 years!  And as a result of using donor eggs the price went through the roof and it would have to be IVF cycles too.  So I called the LWC to see if they were willing to do a surrogacy IUI between Peter and my sister - to which they said yes.

consideration

It appears that Peter is more eager to go down the surrogacy route than I am - well he would wouldn't he as he gets a child that is genetically his out of it.

He thinks its better than adoption as a) the child will be his and b) the child is linked genetically to me as it's my sister that's the genetic mother.

I just can't get past the fact that it't my sister and him having children together - that just doesn't feel right to me.

I guess part of that is because I feel so insure about the way Peter feels about me and how he's going to react in this unusual but quite intense situation.

He has said that he has to be in a relationship with someone and care deeply for them in order to be able to do things of great importance - does that mean that his feels are going to be developing and growing deeper and more intimate for my sister if she's going to be carrying his child?
Will he end up falling in love with her as the pregnancy develops?
How will he feel once the baby is born and is handed over - will he be wishing he was with the babies true mother rather than me?
How will I feel about being handed my sisters baby to take home and care for?
Will my sister be constantly looking over my shoulder and criticising our decisions in terms of the way we care for, and raise the child?
How will she behave towards the child - knowing that the child is really hers and not mine - will she try to be a mother to it when we're together?
Will I be over protective and try to keep the child close to me and away from my sister in case she tries to be a mother to her child?
When the child is told and understands what's been said about the way it was brought into the world, will it see my sister as it;s mother and resent me for taking it away from it;s true mother - class me as an impostor?
Will my sister, the child and Peter have a 'special' bond that I will never have with Peter and the child as I was not part of the pregnancy process - just standing on the sidelines waiting for the end result to appear - an outsider looking in?
Will the child hate me for not being its real mother?
Will it accuse me of keeping its daddy and real mummy apart?
Will it love my sister more than me because she gave birth to it?
Will Peter love my sister more than me or instead of me because she gives him children and I don't?

So many questions going round in my head, and so many uncertain feelings about the whole situation,  too many unhappy dreams due to my insecurity about our relationship and all the emotions involved with trying to decide what's the best way of going forward to having our own family.

Emotional overload at the moment and my sister is wanting an answer :(